The Air That I Breathe

I am tired, very tired. I didn't leap out of bed today and jump onto my exercise machine as I have for a week now. I had breakfast, then showered and promised I would make up for it later. I didn't want a cigarette either! Nor did I rush to have my pseudo-ciggie fix but waited until I drove to work.

I thought I was just in need of a couple of early nights and, like most of my colleagues, focused on the half-term holiday which promises blessed relief from the daily routine demands of the education machine, but then I received an email from an old friend which amazed me with its perceptive insightfulness:

'It was a few weeks later that it began to dawn on me that I wasn't leaping out of bed in the mornings filled with reoxygenated enthusiasm for my new healthier lifestyle. This began to nag even more as I was walking through town one day, and I found myself walking into an NHS drop-in centre which had been set up some months earlier (one of the last places on earth my previous incarnation would ever have considered to be a source of helpful advice).

The lady was rather taken aback when I explained that I had ceased my alliance some 6 weeks previously, but was now considering demanding a refund because the new lifestyle wasn't working as advertised. She asked a few more questions, and then advised that it is a common problem for nicotine users to be self-medicating with the drug to combat depression and anxiety, and suggested I go and see my GP. This was a revelation to me, and everything immediately made sense, and helped to explain why some people I have know over the years have stopped without a qualm, whereas others (no names) have stopped chainsmoking for a year or so before going back to the dungeon. It is simply because we have no other way, after decades of conditioning, to deal with our particular 'idiosynchracises', whereas those of a more cheery disposition find that nicotine withdrawal itself is not a problem (which it isn't, as long as you can separate it from the 'stuff' which is). My whole body was telling me that the only way to cope was to go off to the shop and buy a pack of 20 for a quick fix.'

Happily my friend didn't cave-in to the temptation, considerable though it was and is now into his sixth month as an ex-smoker, a considerable achievement which I look forward to matching in due course. I thank him sincerely for the honesty and candour of his revealed wisdom.